Pokemon Smash Or Pass: Hoenn Edition
Welcome to all of you who have braved the return to our weekly analysis of which Pokemon are hot, and which are not. Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley and Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock were born without a shame gland, and thus have no problem publicising their opinions on Pokemon smashability.
In Kanto, Stacey took a slim, one smash lead, finishing with 38 smashes to Joe’s 39. However, the land of baby dorks (otherwise known as Johto) scratched Joe’s itch as he had nine more smashes, making for an eight smash lead. Both are trying to maintain a 25 percent success rate, and currently sit at 25.9 and 29.1 respectively. Let’s see where the rankings stand after our two hoes of Hoenn are through.
Stacey: I don’t think I’m ever going to smash a first stage starter. Pass.
Joe: We arrive in my favourite region, and favourite generation of Pokemon. Unfortunately, we still start with a pass.
Joe: I actually prefer Grovyle over Sceptile design-wise. Smash-wise? Too teenagery, so pass.
Stacey: We say that about a lot of the mid-stage starters, but I don’t think it’s true here. Starting with a smash early.
Stacey: Balancing it out, I think it grows into something too ugly and bulky, so we’re passing here.
Joe: Grass-types are usually my favourite, but I really dislike Sceptile. Its head gets too doofy-looking after Grovyle, so a rare second-stage starter pass.
Joe: I feel like this is a crime. Pass.
Stacey: The babiest of all the starters, ever? Definitely a pass.
Stacey: This whole line is terrible. Pass.
Joe: It’s shaped like a willy, but that isn’t enough to get me on board. Pass.
Joe: At last, some quality. Blaziken is peak 2003 design, with the flame trousers and a bizarre jacket thing. It’s outdated, it’s tacky, yet he makes it work. Smash while we listen to MCR’s Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge album.
Stacey: It’s an ugly man chicken. Pass.
Stacey: Another child thing. Pass.
Joe: so i herd u dont liek mudkipz. Pass too, I just wanted to do the meme.
Joe: Marshtomp looks like it’d be bullied at school. Biggest nerdy teenager of all Pokemon, and not in the endearing, maybe-I’d-smash-if-we-were-the-same-age way. Pass.
Stacey: I don’t see it at all, it’s just a dork. Pass.
Stacey: I do see it here, but not enough to commit. Pass.
Joe: I know we’re not meant to be factoring in Mega-evolutions here, but Swampert is such a borderline case I’m making an exception. Base Swampert is a gentle smash, but Mega Swampert is a really easy, no-thoughts-crush-me-please-my-big-beautiful-himbo smash.
Joe: I wouldn’t judge you, but not for me. Pass.
Stacey: A little too small, so we have to pass.
Stacey: This is more like it. Hoenn has better delights in store, but I can get on the Mightyena train.
Joe: Our first mutual smash of Hoenn.
Joe: Sorry, it’s a smash purely on energy alone. This is a rascal; a scamp, and I want to see what it has to offer.
Stacey: It seems quite dirty, and not in a good way. Pass.
Stacey: Cleaner, but just not my type I guess. Pass.
Joe: Really surprised at that, but also a pass.
Joe: It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I smash one of the worm Pokemon. Pass.
Stacey: Its time will come, but passing now.
Stacey: Still waiting. The Metapod experiment was enough.
Joe: If I had to pick between Silcoon and Cascoon, it’d be Silcoon. Fortunately I don’t have to pick, so pass.
Joe: I really hope this is the one Stacey’s waiting for and not Dustox. For me, it’s a very hesitant pass, even if that proboscis looks like fun.
Stacey: Beautifly is gorgeous, of course I was waiting for her. Smash, no question.
Stacey: I passed on Silcoon, what did you expect?
Joe: Metapod is looking really appealing right now. Pass.
Joe: Look, I know I went for Parasect and that thing is actually dead, but I can’t get over the gross, dead eyes of Dustox. Trypophobe’s nightmare, pass.
Stacey: I was actually waiting for both, I find Dustox very compelling. Smash again.
Stacey: Unbelievably cute, but not smash worthy. Pass.
Joe: I played Sapphire when it came out and only just noticed this thing has six legs. Pass, but I feel like I’ve learned something today.
Joe: I don’t like the underdeveloped beak, pass.
Stacey: Agreed, the beak is the dealbreaker here.
Stacey: I get it, I don’t want it. Pass.
Joe: More giant pineapple man for me, then. This guy looks like fun. An easy smash.
Joe: As much as I can picture how this’d happen, I don’t want it. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, can’t see this ending well. Pass.
Stacey: This rugged little go-getter though is a straightforward smash.
Joe: Why does it have nipples? Why are this and Miltank the only Pokemon so far with nipples? Why does an acorn boy need nipples? Pass.
Joe: Shiftry’s a smash, though. The disconcerting wooden nipples are gone, and that hair is just incredible.
Stacey: Another Hoenn line getting better then getting worse. Pass.
Stacey: It’s just a little bird. Pass.
Joe: My favourite of the early-dex birds, but it’s a pass.
Joe: This handsome, regal fella is a smash, though. Swellow looks like it’d judge me for being poor, but I’d be his guilty pleasure.
Stacey: I understand it, but given my fear of birds, I need to be true to myself and pass.
Stacey: I mean, even without the fear. Pass.
Joe: It’s too cute to smash, so pass.
Joe: Have you ever seen that weird thing pelicans do, where they regurgitate their spine out of their mouth in a gross flesh-sack? Anyway, pass on Pelipper.
Stacey: I expected you to smash to be honest, but it’s an easy pass for me even before that image.
Stacey: Just a lil runt. Pass.
Joe: Batten down the hatches, Stacey’s time is coming. This is a little kid, and I’m not all that fond of the whole line. Pass.
Joe: A slightly bigger little kid. Pass.
Stacey: A difficult ethical question, because she is clearly meant to look feminine, and we’re smashing dogs and piles of goo here, but she looks too human, she’s like a little girl. So pass, too uncomfortable.
Stacey: No question. No doubts. No hesitation. One of the most smashable Pokemon in existence. Easy, simple, smash.
Joe: I’d be a fool if I pretended to not get that, Gardevoir is hot. I know her brother is just outside, though, so I’m going to pass.
Joe: This is the Seedot problem again. I can see the mechanics of it, but don’t want it. Pass.
Stacey: Even mechanically, I’m not sure I understand. Pass.
Stacey: That's more like it. Masquerain is one of the most underrated beauties of Pokemon. Smash for sure.
Joe: Also a smash, giving Masquerain the most attention it’s ever had in its existence. It gets lost in the Beautifuly and Dustox shuffle, but this is where it’s at.
Joe: Ew, no, fungal infection. Pass.
Stacey: One of the better mushroom based Pokemon but still not for me. Pass.
Stacey: I respect it but I don’t quite get it. Pass again.
Joe: I don’t like the claws, pass.
Joe: I adore Slakoth, but it’s more in the same way I like Slowpoke. Ethically questionable to smash, but I love it all the same.
Stacey: Pass, I hate this line.
Stacey: See above.
Joe: Oh my god I love this line, and it just gets better and better from here. In any other gen, Vigoroth would’ve been the easiest smash, but when his dad is just around the corner, it’s going to be a nice, respectful smash instead.
Joe: Words cannot describe how desperately I want to smash. This is a big hunk of man who could do whatever he likes with me. The beard, the brows, the doesn’t-give-a-damn attitude. This is the stuff dreams are made of, so a mega-mega-nuclear smash. And here’s Stacey to call me weird…
Stacey: I just hate it. It’s big and ugly, it’s irritating to use, it doesn’t really fit together as a line… it’s just bad. Pass.
Stacey: Most of the bugs that just look like lil creepy crawlies are going to be a pass.
Joe: Really solid design, but a solid design does not a smash make. Pass.
Joe: It’s a smash for Ninjask, though. It’s got that edgy ‘00s energy that I liked about Blaziken, but in a slightly more cohesive package. I’m picking up what it’s putting down.
Stacey: I see it, but definitely not my type. Pass.
Stacey: Dead bug. Gross. Pass.
Joe: Not even a dead bug, just dead bug skin, which makes it grosser. Pass.
Joe: Whismur’s one of those annoying, whiny twinks. Pass.
Stacey: I like Whismur, it’s just not a ‘smash’ kind of like.
Stacey: You know, Loudred is cute. I like it. Let’s smash.
Joe: Finally, another Loudred liker. Smash.
Joe: I think Exploud is a little over-designed after Loudred, but it’s still a smash. I don’t like that its lip flesh has moved onto its back, though.
Stacey: Agree that it’s a downgrade but not quite enough to change my mind. A less enthusiastic smash here.
Stacey: Cute, but no smash. A running theme.
Joe: It only being one metre tall puts me off smashing, even if I like its energy. Pass.
Joe: Meanwhile, Hariyama is just over two metres tall, making this a big, smashable boy who can take all kinds of punishment. Not my favourite Fighting-type, but one I will glady smash.
Stacey: This feels like a very obvious Joe smash, but I can see myself with Hariyama too, so it’s another smash.
Stacey: Here we part ways, however. Pass.
Joe: Flashbacks of Babyville, Johto. Pass.
Joe: Would I smash the heads on Easter Island? Maybe? But the thought of them smashing me back is terrifying, so it’s a NosePASS.
Stacey: Well now I have to write a new line if I can’t have NosePASS. Let’s try… NOsepass.
Stacey: Very cute. Not very smashable. Pass.
Joe: I’d understand, but no. Pass.
Joe: I’d understand this a bit more than Skitty, but it’s still a pass for me.
Stacey: This one is an easy smash. Majestic and glorious.
Stacey: I’ve always loved Sableye’s energy. He gets a smash from me any time.
Joe: One of the rare times when gremlin energy actually works, it’s smashes all-round for Sableye.
Joe: Mawile terrifies me. This is an eldritch being whose anatomy I don’t understand. Smash.
Stacey: I was about to accuse you of terrible taste but you came to the right conclusion. Mawile is one of Hoenn’s many beauties, and maybe the most interesting. Smash.
Stacey: A lump of metal that is also a child, somehow. Pass.
Joe: I don’t like that it just has a normal human name. Aaron. Pass.
Joe: Hoenn sure does have a lot more smashable middle-evolutions than the other two gens, doesn’t it? Big, metallic boy gets a smash.
Stacey: It does, but I don’t think this is one of them. Pass.
Stacey: Not my thing. Pass.
Joe: Absolutely my thing. Smash.
Joe: Stupid useless onion-headed little freak. Pass pass pass.
Stacey: Nah, Meditite seems precocious and intelligent. I have to say smash here.
Stacey: Unfortunately it gets worse, so pass here.
Joe: I hate this entire line, pass.
Joe: The only thing I don’t like about Electrike is how long its head is. If it wasn’t for that, I could maybe smash. As it is, pass for weird-headed-sparky-dog.
Stacey: It’s on the borderline, but it just about works. Smash here.
Stacey: It gets so much worse. Easy pass. It looks ridiculous.
Joe: Why does the dog-thing evolve into a gibbon? Pass.
Joe: I like these Pikachu-clones more than the original, but they are still just ripping off a celebrity hoping to get some of that pizazz. Pass, but I love them both.
Stacey: I get that, but I see their charm enough. Smash.
Stacey: And Minun makes three. Smash again.
Joe: Same answer as last time. Love them, but not a smash.
Joe: Anyone who says Volbeat is their favourite Pokemon is a liar. Nobody remembers this. Would smash because he gives off absolutely flaming vibes, but… who cares about Volbeat?
Stacey: I don’t particularly care about Volbeat but I love the sassy energy. Smash for sure.
Stacey: Another underrated gem of the Hoenn isles. Smash for this lovely lady.
Joe: Illumise is basically Volbeat without the sass. Pass.
Joe: This gen feels rigged in Stacey’s favour. Pass.
Stacey: A five-strong smash streak seems to suggest you're correct. Big ol’ smash.
Stacey: All things must end. Pass.
Joe: I wish this was a smash so I could make the obvious ‘gulpin’ down this-’ joke, but unfortunately he’s just a gross little blob. Pass.
Joe: Swalot is still a blob, but a hot one. Maybe not as much as Muk, but one I’d still be happy to sink down into. Smash.
Stacey: I’m not against blobs as a rule, but the little moustache puts me off. Pass for sure.
Stacey: I don’t trust this thing even a little bit. Pass.
Joe: You don’t have to trust something to smash it. The jaw, the brows, the danger, this is a rare fish smash.
Joe: I get he’s meant to look like a bullet, but I don’t like how Sharpedo just abruptly ends. This shark has a severe lack of cake, so it’s a pass.
Stacey: I didn’t smash Kirlia and I won’t smash the ‘pedo. Pass.
Stacey: Obviously not.
Joe: Obviously? Obviously nothing, this is a smash.
Joe: My smashes tend to skew towards the big boys, but maybe there is an upper limit to that. Wailord isn’t it, though, smash that blue whale.
Stacey: Sticking with my ‘obviously not’ answer.
Stacey: Hitting a dry spell here. Bring back Illumise.
Joe: Stoner himbo vibe makes Numel a surprising smash.
Joe: This is a sturdy lad, but one I can’t quite bring myself to smash. Pass.
Stacey: Not the ugliest Pokemon here, but a combination of factors makes it perhaps the most unsmashable. Pass.
Stacey: Zero appeal here. Pass.
Joe: Smoking is one of those things that’s hotter conceptually than in practice. Pass.
Joe: I mean… it’s bouncing anyway? Smash? I think?
Stacey: If it stops bouncing, it dies, which is just too much pressure. Pass.
Stacey: This little rump roast is more like it. Back in Smashville.
Joe: I thought this was going to be a pass, but the more I look at it the more I get it. Smash.
Joe: This one feels unethical, he has no idea where he is. Pass.
Stacey: I did not know that and will carry on regardless because these creatures are fictional anyway. Smash on Spinda.
Stacey: It comes back to a lack of trust here. Pass.
Joe: The simplicity of his design is A+, but doesn’t give you a lot to work with when smashing. Pass.
Joe: This line makes zero sense. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah, it’s a weird line. Vibrava is closer than I’d like to admit, but still a pass all things considered.
Stacey: The line redeems itself. A nice little smash at the end of it all.
Joe: This line still makes zero sense, but at least it gets kind of hot at the end. Smash.
Joe: Love a short king, this is a prickly smash.
Stacey: I was going to wait, but thinking about it, I still see it with Cacnea. Smash, but not quite as readily as the next one.
Stacey: I love this emo dude. Choke me with those spiky saguaro arms daddy. Smash, definitely.
Joe: I was not expecting you to be so eager about Cacturne, but I guess historically you have gone for the plant people. Cacturn’s definitely a smash, but it does lose some of appeal from Cacnea. Less a king, more just a good smash.
Joe: Tiny Bird #3 for Hoenn is still a pass.
Stacey: Yep, no choice but to pass.
Stacey: Altaria deserves its place amongst Hoenn’s heavenly beauties, it’s just a simple case of ‘not my type’. You deserve happiness though, Altaria.
Joe: Another shock, Hoenn is just full of surprises. The scraggly, scrawny neck really puts me off Altaria, pass.
Joe: One of the easiest non-Slaking smashes of this gen. Zangoose is distilled nu-metal energy pushed into a fluffy, fuzzy body. This guy is so angry, and we’d do so much kissing.
Stacey: It’s not quite as easy as all that, but Zangoose is still a smash for me, too.
Stacey: I didn’t really get it with the other snakes, and they weren’t anywhere near this ugly. Pass.
Joe: Overdesigned, and the enemy of my Zangoose is also my enemy. Pass.
Joe: Screw it, I’d smash the moon. Why not? Smash.
Stacey: I prefer the other, but I’d also want to check this one out. Smash.
Stacey: Smash again. This one feels like it would be my favourite.
Joe: I was only smashing Lunatone because it looks endearingly weird. Solrock is just a spiky ball, so it’s a pass.
Joe: It’s a fish, and not even a hot one like Carvanha. Pass.
Stacey: Yeah there’s just no way this is happening. Pass.
Stacey: I suppose I see more appeal here, but still a pass.
Joe: Glad you see the appeal, because I’m smashing this goofy fish.
Joe: The dead eyes, the claws, the general not-quite-crab-ness of it, absolutely not. Hard pass.
Stacey: Don’t trust it, don’t like it. Pass.
Stacey: As above, but add in that it is disgustingly ugly. Pass.
Joe: Well this is awkward, because Crawdaunt has enough pizazz to make me want to smash, despite the crabness.
Joe: Throw this on the pile with Seedot and Surskit. We all know how, but I don’t want to. Pass.
Stacey: Bring back my girls. My smash ratio is falling fast. Pass all day.
Stacey: The curiosity over this one is definitely worth investigating. Smash on this one.
Joe: Claydol melts when it gets wet, which feels like a dealbreaker for this exercise. I’d want to, but out of concern for its own safety, it’s a pass.
Joe: Absolutely not, pass for the gross sea-worm-thing.
Stacey: Live a little. I’ve always thought this line had a little flair that a lot of similar ‘mons lack. Smash.
Stacey: Another post-evo downgrade, but not enough to put me off. Smash again.
Joe: Really lowering your standards for that 25 percent pass rate, huh. Pass for the second gross sea-worm-thing.
Joe: “Lowering your standards” I say, as I look at Anorith and think he has potential. Not enough to smash, but it came disturbingly close.
Stacey: I said ‘no’ to a lot of 50/50 choices in Johto, which feels against the spirit of the game. I already feel bad for skipping Altaria. That’s to justify Lileep, though. Going nowhere near this one.
Stacey: No chance.
Joe: This is a Nidoqueen that felt the need to try too hard. You can’t beat royalty, and Armaldo seems even worse because it tried. Pass.
Joe: Just wait. For now, it’s a pass.
Stacey: Basically Joe’s answer.
Stacey: One of the most magnificent Pokemon ever designed. If you would not smash Milotic then I am afraid we cannot be friends.
Joe: Milotic is beauty incarnate, how can you not smash the living embodiment of all that is gorgeous? Smash.
Joe: I can’t. I can’t smash the weather. I’m sorry, but I can’t do it.
Stacey: Also it has weird little testicles. Pass.
Stacey: I admire Kecleon, but I do not want to smash it. A neat, entirely sexless idea. Like Tom Cruise.
Joe: It’s almost impressive how devoid of sex Kecleon is. Pass, but you go lil’ fella.
Joe: Yes we know what it looks like, no I won’t smash it. Pass.
Stacey: Yes we know what it looks like, yes I would smash it.
Stacey: I have never understood Banette’s origin lore when it evolves from Shuppet, but if we add in the Mega version, I would smash.
Joe: I can’t put my finger on what it is about Banette that’d make me smash it, but I want to. The Hoenn ghost-types are fantastic, and Banette feels like the hottest of the bunch.
Joe: A little guy that manages to not feel like a child, Duskull is a smash for the goth boy energy.
Stacey: Nah, still a pass. Like a weird Mario enemy.
Stacey: Maybe a little better? Maybe not. Pass all the same.
Joe: This line gets way, way better next gen, but I’d still smash Dusclops. It’s the hands.
Joe: Ah, Tropius. The Lapras of the Forest. He feels more grizzled and mature than Lapras, though, which makes this leafy diplodocus a smash.
Stacey: My smash counter is being thoroughly derailed by Hoenn’s weirdest creatures. Pass for sure.
Stacey: Yeah, you know, I’m into this. The red tail isn’t great, but it has a sweet face. Smash.
Joe: Windchimes make me almost murderously angry. They’re antisocial, inconsiderate, and downright annoying. I would only smash Chimecho with a hammer. Pass.
Joe: I don’t get Absol’s design, but I don’t need to to know this… monkey? Dog? Grim Reaper? Is hot as hell. He can get it. Smash.
Stacey: It’s a Bai Ze, and it’s also a smash.
Stacey: No babies. Easy rule to follow. Pass.
Joe: “Wynaut”? Because it’s a baby, that’s wynaut. Pass.
Joe: Not officially a baby, but it feels baby enough to be a pass.
Stacey: It doesn’t necessarily seem like a baby to me, but it’s still definitely not smashable.
Stacey: Its sister in a future gen is way hotter. Pass.
Joe: Sometimes scary can be hot, but not with Glalie. This thing is just a nightmare. Pass.
Joe: I want to hug it and squeeze it, not smash it. Pass, but with love.
Stacey: Yeah, this is pretty much exactly how I feel. Pass here, but I still love ya.
Stacey: Another Hoenn mid-stager that brings its line’s peak, smash-wise. Smash here.
Joe: I like how giving Sealeo a moustache makes it a smash, but I’m a simple guy with simple tastes. Smash.
Joe: It’s almost too much, now. I’d still smash, but Walrein needs to wal-rein it in a bit.
Stacey: No, this passes smashable and comes back to Pass City.
Stacey: Hoenn just isn’t a very trustworthy gen, is it? Pass.
Joe: I think it’s you that needs to be a bit more trusting, if anything. Pass because it’s asleep. And a clam.
Joe: It’s almost so ‘ew’ it loops back around to ‘y’know, maybe?’. Almost being the operative word. Pass.
Stacey: This felt like a Joe Smash all day long, but an easy pass for me.
Stacey: Gorebyss could get it though. I know it would kill me afterwards, but it reminds me of Mass Effect’s Morinth. Death is just the price to pay. Smash.
Joe: “When it spots prey, this Pokemon inserts its thin mouth into the prey’s body and drains the prey of its body fluids”. Pass.
Joe: Yeah I’ll smash the prehistoric grandpa-fish, why not?
Stacey: There’s the weird, unexplainable Joe Smash I was expecting. A pass from me, a normal person. Well, relatively.
Stacey: I know I said I was normal, but I’m smashing Luvdisc, so take that into account I guess.
Joe: I just don’t see how this one would work, which after ghosts, goo, and multiple fish is surprising. Pass.
Joe: I hate how top-heavy Bagon is. Like 50 percent of its body mass is in its gross head, and none of it is in the arms. Pass.
Stacey: Like a Machop with a head injury. Pass.
Stacey: Two buttholes, one of which has eyes inside it. Pass, but I see why that description appeals, I guess.
Joe: If I was going purely off of your description, it would’ve been a smash. Unfortunately, I’m looking at Shelgon right now and it’s like a rugby ball that doesn’t want to be alive anymore. Pass.
Joe: Oh baby is this a smash. Crush me, big dragon daddy.
Stacey: I don’t see the inherent appeal with dragons the way I clearly do with other creatures, so I’m passing with acknowledgement that Salamence has everything you need to be smashable.
Stacey: What if your vibrator had three razor blades at the end of it? I’d pass, that’s what.
Joe: Okay, this is one of those “untrustworthy” Pokemon you’ve mentioned. I get it, now. Beldum doesn't, though. Pass.
Joe: And now we enter possibly the smashiest-stretch of Pokemon in the entire dex. Those big, strong arms may be made of metal, but we’d still cuddle. Smash.
Stacey: I am going to be the second biggest hoe in Hoenn, I just know it. Passing here, and will be passing on a few of this mysterious upcoming streak.
Stacey: I love this shiny especially, but it’s not smash-worthy. Or is it…?
Joe: It’s a slight downgrade from Metang, but I’d still smash it and remember the fonder days.
Joe: The hottest of the three Regis, Regirock is a big, strong man. Golem. Pokemon. Whatever, it’s big and I want to smash.
Stacey: I hate the Regis and this one is the worst. Pass.
Stacey: If I had to pick a Regi, and for completionists sake I feel I do, it would be Regice, so we’ll smash and see where that gets us.
Joe: Regice is the least-smashable of the Regis for me, but it is a hunk of ice, and Rule of Cool goes a long way. Smash.
Joe: If Regice is the least smashable, and I still smashed it, it only stands to reason Registeel can get smashed too. I like how smooth and round it is.
Stacey: One was enough. Pass.
Stacey: The most smashable Legendaries ever. Sign me up for both twins. Definite smash.
Joe: There’s a slight blip in my Hoenn smash stretch, unfortunately. I just don’t like Latias as much as Latios, so it’s a pass.
Joe: Hell yeah, Dragon Plane Boy can have a smash though. Sorry, Latias.
Stacey: I said both twins and I meant both twins. Smash all day.
Stacey: I made a big show of passing Wailmer and co., but I think I’m smashing here. Something compelling about it.
Joe: Weirdly, I’m more sold on Wailmer than Kyogre, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t smash the legendary god of the seas. Those big flippers remind me of Lugia, too, who we already decided is incredibly hot.
Joe: Kyogre’s a no-brainer, of course I’m smashing the walking JCB digger.
Stacey: This is a Digimon. An ugly Digimon. Pass.
Stacey: I love Rayquaza, but I don’t think it’s especially smashable. I wouldn’t even know how to say its name when I’m screaming it out.
Joe: Rayquza has the same appeal as Arbok. It’ll be too busy choking me for me to be doing any screaming. I’m not big on the red teeth, but it’s still an enthusiastic smash.
Joe: Finally, a Legendary I can pass on. This is a child.
Stacey: akshully it’s a 3,000 year old dragon inside a child’s body. You know, I don’t see ‘childlike’. I see a celestial body of purity. I think it has to be a smash.
Stacey: Well, I’m going to be a distant second place and lose sight of Joe even further with this gen, but at least I can end on a smash.
Joe: I was obsessed with Deoxys when I was a kid. Defense forme is probably my favourite, but I’d smash it in any configuration.
Stacey: 43/135 = 31.1 percent (overall total 108/386 = 28 percent)
Joe: 53/135 = 39.3 percent (overall total 126/386 = 32.6 percent)
Joe wins Hoenn by an impressive (or perhaps humiliating) ten smashes, which gives him a 18 smash lead overall. As Pokemon become more like humanoid women, Stacey could close that gap, but it will take decisive action. Next week, we’re in Sinnoh, Stacey’s and Joe’s least favourite gen, so we might see a lot more passes. Probably not, though.
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